Phineas and Ferb Fables
by raidpirate52
Summary: Random stories that take over the boys summer. Important to read Authors Note.
1. The Roller Coaster

**Alright fair warning everyone. The characters are ridiculously out of character but it's only played for laughs. Everyone is canon age though. It's an idea from insurd on You Tube who makes story videos about some stuff and they're hilarious. I recommend you check his stuff out. **

**Episode 1-The Roller Coaster**

* * *

><p>It was the first day of summer in Danville and Phineas and Ferb sat under the tree in their backyard. In the house, Linda walked into the kitchen to tell Candace she was leaving for awhile.<p>

"Candace, I'm going out to the store and getting some condoms so that your father and I can fuck tonight. You're in charge until I get home." Linda said then walked out of the house.

Meanwhile outside, Phineas came up with an idea.

"Ferb, I'm bored. Let's build a roller coaster. A big roller coaster to ride around town."

"Should we," Ferb started but was cut off by his stepbrother.

"Shut up Ferb, I'm the main character. Now let's build a fucking roller coaster."

Inside Candace was on her cell phone talking to Stacey.

"So, Jeremy is coming over in a bit and we're going to make out. You want to come over and watch us?" Candace asked.

"You know I love watching you two," Stacey replied.

"Oh, hold on I think I hear something outside." Candace walked outside to the backyard to see what her brothers were up to. "Stacey, I'll just talk to you when you get over here." Candace hung up her phone and walked outside. "Phineas! Ferb! What are you two doing?

"What does it look like we're doing, bitch? We're building a roller coaster." Phineas answered.

"Actually I'm doing most of the work," Ferb said.

"Shut up Ferb! Nobody said you could speak." Phineas replied.

"You two are going to be so busted!" Candace yelled before heading back inside.

"Wow that was retarded." Phineas said. Suddenly, Baljeet appeared next to Phineas.

"Phineas, we're going to need 456,326,954,210 square feet of roller coaster parts," Baljeet said.

"Ah," Phineas gasped in shock at Baljeet's sudden appearance. "Baljeet, your voice is really annoying. Go die or something."

"Umm…okay! La la la la la!"

Baljeet took off while Phineas looked back at the roller coaster project and suddenly realized Perry is missing.

"Where the hell is Perry?" Phineas asked. He looked over at the tree and saw Perry standing there. He walked over to him and picked him up. "Where the hell do you even think you're going?" Perry responded with a platypus sound. Phineas walked back to where he was and saw the Fireside girls and Isabella have arrived.

"Hey, Phineas, whatcha doin?" Isabella asked.

"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing? I'm building a roller coaster across town." Phineas replied.

"Cool. Can we help?" Gretchen asked.

"Asking a girl to help me? God no. Why don't you make like real girls and make me a fucking sandwich!"

"Will it get me into your pants?" Isabella asked.

"What?"

"One sandwich coming up. Let's go girls." Isabella let the Fire side girls into the house.

The door bell rang at the Flynn-Fletcher residence. Candace opened the door and found out Jeremy and Stacey arrived.

"Hey guys." Candace said. "Come on in. We're going to bust my brothers."

"Okay," Jeremy replied.

"I want to watch!" Stacey said.

Outside, the roller coaster was finally completed and everyone was getting ready to ride.

"Here's your sandwich Phineas," Isabella said handing over Phineas the sandwich she and the Fire Side girls made.

"I'm not going to eat a crummy sandwich right before going on the ride." Phineas said then threw the sandwich on the ground.

"Aww, okay," Isabella moaned and turned to her friends.

"Why do you like this asshole?" Gretchen asked.

"Now let's ride my roller coaster!" Phineas yelled.

"Don't you mean our roller coaster?" Ferb spoke out.

"No, I mean my roller coaster. Now let's ride it!"

The kids hopped into the roller coaster and the ride began. About halfway up, Baljeet appeared in the seat behind Phineas.

"This is a great ride, you guys!" he said.

"Baljeet, where the hell did you come from?" the red haired boy asked.

The roller coaster went through the entire town and even went by the pharmacy where Linda was coming out. However, her cart filled with condoms was so full, it blocked her vision from seeing the huge roller coaster.

Back in the backyard, Candace, Jeremy, and Stacey were all on the roller coaster track waiting for it to come back to bust Phineas and Ferb.

"Alright, it should be here any second," Candace said.

"I'm watching!" Stacey replied.

"Candace, don't you think it's stupid to actually stand on the tracks?" Jeremy asked.

"What do you mean?"

Suddenly, the roller coaster came at its end and slammed the trio to the uplift part of the coaster so hard; it picked the roller coaster right off the ground.

"Quick everyone! Jump off!" Phineas shouted. All the kids jumped off and landed in the soft grass of the backyard safely.

The same couldn't be said for Jeremy, Stacey, and Candace who all flew away with the roller coaster. Who knows where it will end up?

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz was outside on his patio looking off in the distance for his nemesis.

"Where oh where is Perry the platypus?" the evil scientist asked himself. All of a sudden, a roller coaster smashed into his building.

"Ow! Curse you Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz yelled.

Back in the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, everyone was reflecting on the awesome roller coaster.

"Wow, that was really awesome." Baljeet said.

"Your voice is giving me a headache, Baljeet." Phineas moaned.

"Should we do something awesome like this every day?" Ferb asked.

"Why Ferb? It's not like you have anything better to do. Nobody even likes you!" Phineas replied.

"Umm…" Ferb moaned.

Linda came home and walked to the backyard.

"Hey kids, would you like to come inside for some cookies?"

"Yeah!" the kids replied and all went in for some snacks.

* * *

><p><strong>So yeah, it's obnoxious. Again, check out insurd on You Tube. His videos are hilarious. Buford will debut in a future chapter. By the way, nobody died. Everyone will re-appear again. <strong>


	2. Irving

**Phineas and Ferb Fables-Episode 2: Irving**

One day removed from the roller coaster event, Phineas and Ferb walked outside to see a box mysteriously out in the backyard.

There's a box in the background!" Ferb said.

"No fucking shit Ferb!" yelled Phineas. "Of course there's a box in the backyard. I do have two eyes, you idiot!"

"Umm," cried Ferb.

"Now, why don't you open it?"

Ferb grabbed his tools and opened up the box. Inside was Irving.

"Ah!" Phineas yelled. "Irving? What the hell are you doing in our backyard?"

"Mmmm…yeahhhh…say my name again. Slowerrr," Irving said passionately.

"What's up with your voice?" Phineas asked.

"I went through some mature changes yesterday. Mmmmm. Your roller coaster gave me one hard bo****. I have fallen for you two," Irving replied and puckered for a kiss.

"What the fuck? You're a geek! We don't like you!"

"Oh come on, hot boy! Resentment only means insecure love!" Irving puckered up again.

"Look, Irving, we don't have any intimate feelings for you," Ferb said.

"Wow, you just burned by Ferb! You must really suck!" Phineas laughed.

"Come on! Just give me a kiss!" Irving yelled and got closer to the boys.

Phineas and Ferb ran away, but Irving chased them through the backyard. They ran past the tree, but Irving took a brief stop.

Irving gasped, "Wow! That's the tree Phineas and Ferb sit under." Irving got on the ground and rolled around the tree. "Woo! Oh yeah! YES! Woo!"

Phineas and Ferb stood back by the house, looking dumbfounded.

"What's he doing?" Ferb asked.

"This is sooo strange!" Baljeet screamed.

"Baljeet? Where did you? Quit doing that!" Phineas yelled.

"Do what?"

Isabella came into the backyard through the gate.

"Hey Phineas! Whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked.

"Hey, Isabella, you want to know what would make me really happy? Go get rid of Irving over there!" Phineas replied.

Isabella head over to the tree head over to Irving who was wiggling around on the ground. The Fireside leader kicked Irving in the rear which sent him flying in the air.

"Mmmm, I'll be back you two!" Irving screamed while leaving off into the atmosphere.

"I did it Phineas!" Isabella shouted. "Does this mean I can finally get a kiss from you?"

"Maybe in twenty years you can kiss my ass!" Phineas replied then walked into the house. Isabella stayed behind, bummed.


	3. The Beach

**Episode 3-The Beach**

Ferb was standing in his room one morning when Phineas approached him.

"Hey you!" Phineas yelled, but no response from his brother. "Hey you!" Again, no response. "Boy with the green hair who isn't as cool as me!" Ferb finally turned around.

"What? Phineas, you know my name," Ferb said.

"I'll call you whatever I want. Now go get that hammer over there," Phineas said pointing to the hammer.

"But, Phineas, the hammer is much closer to you," Ferb replied.

"Does it look like I care? No! Now get the fucking hammer!" Ferb went past his brother and picked up the hammer that was lying on the ground. "Now get over here!" Ferb went back to where he was originally. "Now, hit yourself on the head until you realize you will never be as awesome or popular as me!" Phineas yelled before heading out the door. Ferb just put the hammer back on the ground.

PHINEAS AND FERB FABLES!

It was a very hot summer day in Danville as Phineas and Ferb laid under the tree in the backyard coming up with something to do. Ferb had an idea.

"Hey, Phineas, I have an idea on how we can cool off," Ferb said.

"Oh shut up Ferb! You have never come up with a good idea in your entire life. Just shut your mouth like you always do and stay that way!" Phineas replied. "Wait! I got an idea! Ferb, I know what we're going to do today. We're going to build a beach in our backyard."

Inside, Linda was telling Candace she was going out.

"Candace, I'm going out to get groceries. I'll be back in a few hours," Linda said and went to do her errand.

"Excellent!" cheered Candace. "Mom's gone. Meaning I can find out what Phineas and Ferb are doing. Meaning, I can bust them. I'm going to call Jeremy and Stacey to help!" Candace called her friends to come over, and they agreed they would be there shortly.

Outside, Ferb was putting the beach together while Phineas was handing him the supplies.

"Can you get a move on Ferb? I'm going to get a heat stroke if you don't hurry the fuck up!" Phineas yelled. "By the way, where is Perry?"

Perry was near the fence, about to put on his fedora when Phineas suddenly spotted him. Perry went back into his mindless phase.

"Perry? Where do you think you're going?" Phineas asked. Perry just responded with his signature noise. "I feel like you're the only one I can talk to. No one else seems to worth talking to."

Perry chirped again translating to, "Well maybe if you weren't such an asshole all the time…" However, Phineas just assumed what he chirped didn't mean anything because he's a "mindless pet".

"Ferb, come on! How long does it take to build a freakin beach?" Phineas yelled.

"Phineas, I'm working as fast as I can." Ferb replied.

"Just stop talking. It will get done faster if you just shut up!"

At OWACA headquarters' Major Monogram was wondering where his top secret agent, Perry the Platypus, or Agent P, was.

"Perry? Oh Perry," Major Monogram cried. "Oh where is he?"

Back in the backyard the beach was complete. Full ocean and everything. The boys were cooling off from the heat in the water. This gave Perry the perfect time to head on to his job. He swam in the deep depths and got a call on his secret agent watch.

"There, you are, Agent P!" Major Monogram said on the watch. "The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good. Go stop him!"

Perry gave his boss a salute and head over to his nemesis residence in the tallest building of Danville.

Jeremy and Stacey arrived at the house and were let in by Candace.

"Alright, guys, my brothers built a beach in the backyard. Let's go bust them!" Candace shouted.

"Okay," Jeremy said.

"I love to watch!" Stacey yelled.

The three went to the backyard. In the water, Baljeet swam right in front of Phineas and Ferb.

"Heyyyy guys!" Baljeet yelled.

"Ow," Phineas shouted, startled by Baljeet popping up unexpectedly again. "Baljeet? What the hell?"

"I enjoy lubricants!" Baljeet replied.

"That didn't make sense you stupid math geek. Go drown." Phineas said.

"Um…okay!" Baljeet swam off.

"Oh my god, his voice is so fucking annoying." Phineas said.

"Phineas!" Candace screamed from shore.

"What the hell do you want, Candace?"

"When mom sees this, you two are going to be so busted!" Candace yelled.

"Yeah, whatever," Phineas rolled his eyes.

"You're going to be in a lot of trouble!" Jeremy said.

"And I'll watch!" Stacey added. The three of them dove into the ocean and swam towards Phineas and Ferb. Unfortunately for them, Candace's foot got stuck on the chain to the drain and accidently pulled it.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Agent P busted down the wall to his nemesis's apartment.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus! You see-" Doofenshmirtz was cut off by a punch to the face by Perry that sent him through the building and off into the sky. "Curse you Perry the Platypus!" With his job done, Perry made his way home.

Back at the Ferb-Fletcher home, the ocean was being sucked down its drain; sucking down Candace, Jeremy, and Stacey. Phineas and Ferb, however, got to shore safely.

"Looks like you and me are the ones that got here safely. My annoying sister and her idiot friends are nowhere to be seen now. And thankfully, Baljeet isn't around anymore either," Phineas said.

Baljeet then appeared to be right next to Phineas and Ferb.

"Hey, guys!" Baljeet shouted.

"Aw, man!" Phineas groaned. Isabella walked in through the gate.

"Hi, Phineas, Whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked.

"We're done doing what we were doing for the day. You're too late," Phineas answered.

"Bummer," Isabella replied then went home. Baljeet also headed home.

Perry then flew up toward the house, but Phineas spotted him before he landed and could take off his hat and become mindless again. Perry decided it was best to just land and face his owners and tell them the truth about his double life.

"Perry? What the fuck were you doing on a glider?" Phineas asked, glaring down at the platypus.

Perry handed Phineas and Ferb a pamphlet, but Phineas just threw it on the ground.

"I don't want your pamphlet! I want to know what the hell you were doing!" Phineas yelled. Major Monogram then stepped into the backyard.

"I guess I should tell you," Monogram said. "Perry's a secret agent for my organization. Now that you found out, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take him away."

"Like hell you will!" Phineas shouted and picked Perry up and threw him at Major Monogram. Perry hit into Monogram which somehow made Monogram fly up into the atmosphere. "No one is taking our platypus away!"

"Wow, Phineas, you did something nice for once," Ferb said.

"Shut up Ferb! I'm the one who feeds him every night. No way is some old fart going to make that all for nothing. As for you Perry, you're going to keep that fedora hat on and no longer be a mindless pet. From now on, no more secret agent stuff. And you're to work on my projects with Ferb. Got it? Good!" Phineas walked inside the house.

Perry sighed. "Great…" in his platypus noise.

"I know how you feel, buddy," Ferb said putting his hand on the platypus's shoulder.

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><p>AN: Yeah, I'm not going to have Doofenshmirtz or Monogram in the fables anymore. I just want to focus on Phineas and Ferb stories, and not deal with a second plot like that. Sorry.


	4. Buford

**Episode 4-Bufrod**

Baljeet was rolling around in the newly mowed grass in the Flynn-Fletcher backyard.

"Wee! Oh yes!" Baljeet yelled.

"Baljeet, stop rolling around on the ground!" Phineas yelled.

"But it feels sooo good!" Baljeet replied and continued to do it.

"Ugh," Phineas growled. "I need to make a mute button for that geek." Ferb and Perry went into the backyard.

"Hi, Phineas," greeted Ferb.

"What the hell do you want Ferb?" Phineas asked.

"Perry and I found this strange ice cream cone in the backyard."

"Who the fuck cares Ferb? Just throw it away."

Perry chirped his signature noise, "(Quit being mean, Phineas)". But of course, Phineas couldn't understand what he said.

"Oh okay Perry. Let me write that down real quick." Phineas said sarcastically. Isabella then walked into the backyard.

"Hey, Phineas, watcha doin?"

"We're just trying to find out where this ice cream cone came from!" Ferb answered.

"Hey, doofus. She was talking to me!" Phineas glared at Ferb.

PHINEAS AND FERB FABLES!

Everyone was still wondering where the ice cream cone came from, when suddenly the Fireside girls came into the yard.

"Oh, hey girls. What brings you here?" Isabella asked.

"Look who we found near the sewer," Gretchen answered. Buford then showed up behind the Fireside girls.

"Buford? What were you doing near the sewer?" Ferb asked.

"Sewers smell good. Yeah!" Buford replied.

"Well you smell like shit," Phineas said.

"Hey, no nice!" Buford replied.

"Well your face isn't nice with that stupid scowl."

"No happy to see Buford?"

"I'm happy to see you Buford," Ferb said.

"So am I," Baljeet said.

"Yeah!" Isabella and the Fireside girls shouted.

"(I'm happy to see you too)" Perry chirped his platypus noise.

"No, we're not happy to see you, you big stupid ogre. Why don't you go fuck yourself or something?" Phineas said.

"Oh…okay," Buford replied and went inside the house.

Inside he approached Candace with her friends eating lunch.

"Excuse me," Buford said. Candace looked up and saw Buford.

"What do you want? Are you one of my brothers' friends?" Candace asked.

"Why don't you go play with them?" Jeremy asked.

"Phineas said if I wanted to sound smart I should fuck myself. Do you know how?" Buford asked.

"Yes," Jeremy replied. Candace and Stacey looked at him awkwardly.

"What the hell?" Candace shouted.

"Uh…I mean…Phineas is being mean to you?" Jeremy asked Buford.

"Yeah, he is no nice today," Buford replied.

"Why would you let Phineas be mean to you? He's so shrimpy and you're so big and strong!" Candace pointed out.

"But I don't want to be mean to Phineas," Buford said.

"But he said all those nasty things. We think you're very smart," Jeremy said.

"You mean, Buford no dumb?" Buford asked.

"Of course not. You should teach him a lesson and rough him up a bit," Candace said while smiling evilly.

"Candace right! Let's go teach Phineas a class!" Buford shouted and headed towards the backyard again.

"What an idiot!" Jeremy laughed along with Candace and Stacey.

"Now we can finally give Phineas what he deserves!" Candace cheered.

"And I'll watch!" Stacey shouted. The three of them followed behind Buford.

Outside, Ferb approached Phineas. Behind Ferb was Baljeet, Perry, Isabella and the Fireside girls.

"Hey Phineas, you want to play a game?" Ferb asked his brother.

"Hey Ferb, you want to shut your mouth and walk away?" Phineas yelled.

"Umm," Ferb moaned.

"Yay! Buford is back!" Baljeet cheered.

Buford appeared in front of Phineas with Candace and her friends right behind him.

"Candace? Jeremy? Stacey? What are you doing here?" Phineas asked.

Candace laughed. "Well, our friend Buford here doesn't like the things you say to him!"

"Oh yeah? What the fuck are you going to do about it?" the boy replied.

"This!" Buford yelled and socked Phineas in the stomach, knocking him back several feet.

"HA HA!" Baljeet laughed. "I mean. Oh no!" Phineas then got back to his feet.

"Say your last words, Phineas!" Buford shouted.

"That didn't make sense you big stupid," Phineas yelled but Isabella interrupted.

"Yum!" Isabella shouted. "A big ICE CREAM cone!" Isabella then unveiled the ice cream cone from earlier.

"Ice? Ice Cream?" Buford asked, drooling for it.

"Uh, yeah, I got that for you Buford!" Phineas said.

"What!" Jeremy yelled.

"For Buford you get?" Buford asked.

"Uh, of course buddy!" Phineas laughed nervously.

Candace then stepped between Buford and the ice cream. "Uh, no, this isn't from Phineas. This is for me!"

"Hey!" Buford shouted. "This is Buford's ice cream! No Candace!"

"I'm going to steal it from Phineas and then give it to you. You big stupid retard!" Candace yelled.

"Buford no retard!" Buford glared. "You flatchested!"

"Shut up little punk!"

"Oh, shit!" Jeremy cried.

Buford picked up Candace and placed her in front of her friends. He gave them a mega punch that sent all three of them flying off into the atmosphere with them screaming all the way.

"Ha," Buford laughed. "That will show you."

Phineas took a sigh of relief. "Oh. Oh thank God."

"You're welcome," Isabella giggled.

PHINEAS AND FERB FABLES!

Later in the backyard, Buford was all done with his ice cream and walked to Phineas.

"Ah…all done with ice cream. Phineas!" Buford shouted. Phineas turned to face him.

"What?" the boy asked.

"Buford want more ice cream!" Buford replied.

"Well you can't have anymore you fatty!" Phineas replied.

"Hey, not nice!" Buford yelled.

Buford then mega punched Phineas as he did to Candace and her friends and sent Phineas off into the atmosphere.

"Ahhhhh!" Phineas yelled.

* * *

><p>I have to admit this one was strongly resembled to one of insurds videos on You Tube, but it was just so good. Anyway, looks like someone finally taught Phineas a lesson. Lol. Will that change him? Don't count on it.<p> 


	5. Hide and Seek

**Episode 5 Hide and Seek**

Baljeet was walking around in the Phineas and Ferb backyard and noticed Isabella was there as well.

"Hey Isabella! What are you doing here?" Baljeet asked.

"Looking for Phineas," Isabella said, thinking dreamingly of Phineas.

"Oh, well he doesn't appear to be around at the moment. You want to play a game?"

"Sure, I want to play hide and go seek!"

"Okay, but we need more people though!" Baljeet looked around and saw Ferb. "Hey Ferb, you want to play hide and go seek?"

"Yeah, that sounds like fun," Ferb replied.

"Hey Perry, you want to play hide and go seek?" Baljeet asked the approaching platypus.

"(Count me in)" Perry chirped.

Phineas walked into the backyard.

"Hey Phineas, you want to play hide and go seek?" Baljeet asked.

"Fuck no. That game is for retarded babies!" Phineas yelled.

"Hey Phineas guess what!" Isabella shouted.

"What?"

"Chicken butt," Baljeet laughed along with everyone else but Phineas. "You want to play hide and go seek?"

"I already said no!"

"You want to play hide and go seek?"

"ALRIGHT! I'll play one stupid game, but that's it!"

"Fine then you be it," Isabella said.

"Okay." Phineas turned around. "1…2…3…4…5…ready or not!" Phineas turned around and saw everyone still standing where they were. "What the hell? I thought you guys were going to hide!"

"You need to count to ten! Besides, you were peeking," Baljeet screamed.

"What? No I wasn't!"

"Yeah you were," Ferb said.

"(You were cheating)" Perry chirped.

"Oh, alright!" Phineas turned around and closed his eyes. "1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10! Okay, I'm coming!"

Phineas walked inside the house and locked the door.

4 hours later…

Everyone was hiding behind the tree with Isabella asking Baljeet asked a question.

"Uh…not many places to hide back here. You think Phineas will ever find us?"

"I don't know, we did pick a really good hiding place!"

PHINEAS AND FERB FABLES!


End file.
